Same old, same old... the MO

 Of course, when you start liking someone and you start exchanging messages and having some intimacy, you don't know what to expect, or what does the other person have in their minds.

Sometimes when you like someone, you just let yourself go.  She was busy but owned her schedule.  Him, on the other part, seemed to be even busier so she left it up to him to decide when and where they would see each other again.

Weeks went by, maybe a couple of months, and his MO was always the same:  meeting for lunch, going to a hotel, having sex and then back home.  The only thing she felt made a difference between her and a prostitute was that she was not being paid for that.

Same thing.  Always.  At some point she started wondering if they would ever have a normal date.  Because she thought she was starting a normal relationship.  Intuition told her that this guy was not a "one woman" man.  His insistence in his happiness being single and a couple of little lies she caught him in made her a little cautious about letting herself get too involved here.   Then a big red flag popped in.  No one wants to hear the receptionist of a hotel say "welcome back, Mr. P" once again and piling up with the other red flag, she made like she didn't hear anything.

But something was definitely not right.  They would only exchange normal, happy and flirty texts whenever he was about to ask for some adult fun.  She would always agree.  And she started to feel like she was being used.

Because she was being used.  Unsure about the way relationships work in this area of the world, she met a friend for some coffee and told her about her story with the neighbor.  But her friend frowned, and told her what she already suspected.  That she was definitely not having a normal relationship but a situationship.

Back home she googled it and a little piece of her heart broke and fell to the ground.  It was like someone was spying her and wrote about it.  Naive, trusting and stupid as she was, she shared that link with her dear Brett.   All he said was that yeah, it sounded a lot like him.  But nothing else was said.  At this point it was up to her if she wanted to keep this thing going on or if she was going to put an end to the sneaky sex days.  Why the sneaking? Why hotels? Why so much hiding?  Wasn't she a normal woman? 

And once again, she comforted herself making excuses for him.  "He probably has his reasons", "hey he likes you and has even apologized whenever you told him this or that was not right", "hey, just give  him time.

And time was given.  Months went by and she always kept hope of him deciding to go on and have just a normal dinner, a day during the weekend, even a trip to go shopping! Anything different from just going, fucking and back home.  But that dinner never happened, he even went silent during weekends.  They never saw each other during Saturday or Sunday...  She started feeling so stupid it really did hurt inside and another piece of her heart fell to the ground and broke into smaller pieces.  Maybe she has a real girlfriend, the one that is worth going places with and sharing quality time.  

Carmen started feeling worthless, wondering what was wrong with her.  Why am I just an entertainment for him when he means so much to me?  

To late for her to do anything, she was in love already.  And if you have ever been in love, the pain of knowing yourself not worth anything to your loved one is something hard to describe.

To make things worse, one of her friends in law enforcement told her they saw the neighbor with what they described as an old hooker with cheaply colored hair.   That was too much to handle.  That was too much, too tough.  She thought she wanted to die.

Hurt sometimes can turn into anger.  Like a wounded animal, you become aggressive and defensive to protect yourself from further damage.  Tired and hurt she told Brett she didn't want to be another hooker, slut or whore, or whatever he called the other idiots that seemed to fill up the time he had when his privates ached for attention.  He got all offended and they stopped talking to each other.   Thoughts were coming from all over.  An overactive mind is never a healthy thing.  Well, of course he hides "us" cheap dates from his daughter.  

At this point she realized that whatever it was what she was having with Brett, it was not good for her.  It was nothing but convenience for him, and pain for her.  She was done.  And this was a good time for getting over him and go back to her normal life.  Then she decided that his daughter had to know.  And wrote a message to her through a social media platform.  It really didn't say anything special, only that Carmen and the neighbor were not seeing each other anymore.  And it stood just like that.  No answer, nothing.    Sometimes we know no answer is an answer already.  

Few weeks went by and very often she found herself thinking about him and all the things she would have liked to do and never happened.  Bless her heart, all she wanted was a normal date.  Just that.  Being treated like a normal woman.  She and Brett had lots of conversations about food and eateries at the beginning of their friendship.  Favorite places, if food was good here or there.  And she couldn't  help but think she was having a normal friendship that could possibly end in something else.  Oh, how dearly she held hopes of visiting all those places with him.  It really looked like it could happen and she had some friends already with which she loved to go out every time.  

For him, she was not deserving of all that.  He loved to say he liked it here and there and talk about good times with friends so she thought she would have a fun day with him.   Some day.  

And never happened.  She was not even a friend for him.   Friends do things together, hey, it was him who always talked about it.  But she was not in that group.  Yep... once again she realized she was nothing more than a quick fix.  Always available, always naive, always stupid.